For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
