my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
