Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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