i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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