He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
