I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
