I got chris browned last night
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
