I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
