Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
