You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
