I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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