i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
