he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
