when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
