dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i out mim tonsoeep
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