Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
