Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Too much gin, very little bucket
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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