i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
