life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm really into asian looking animals
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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