I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
