I got chris browned last night
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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