I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
