Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it because I queefed?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
