Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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