i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
