Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
