three words: i give head
three words: not that well
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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