this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
