Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
