I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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