that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I would fuck him just for his dog
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