I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
