Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't deserve a penis
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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