I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
