I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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