while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize