sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
