May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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