Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
