yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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