Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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