he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
