Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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