My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
