Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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