So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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