I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.