My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack