Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
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You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
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Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?