I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!