Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.