At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket