My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
