not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
