I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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