i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
