Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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