Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
