Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
