I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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