I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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