Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
