Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
