I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
