You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i dont even know how to be here
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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