we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
