You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
