Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
