U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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