The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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