i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
