so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
