Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
