you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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