What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
