So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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