she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
