Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He kissed a someone with a penis
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize