pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you will always have a special place in my vag
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
