i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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