I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize