I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I need water and some morals
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
