It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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