I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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