woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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