did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
