Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
