so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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