the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
